And then there are days when it all goes down hill, fast. When I just want to run away back into the blissed up days and stay there forever. Last Saturday was one of these days.
I can kinda see them coming, these days. They start with tantrums before breakfast, and during breakfast, and after breakfast too. There are handfuls of tantrums before lunch and after lunch, and during lunch too. They’re non-stop, and each one wears my patience down until there is nothing left at all.
It hit an all-time low when she decided that the car park would be a great place to run around. She dodged in between the parked cars, the balloon tied to her wrist my only way to see where she was. I chased her one way, and she ran the other. I screamed, “Stop!” but she didn’t listen. “This is dangerous! Stop now!” I screamed some more. The balloon bobbed up and down as she ran back and forth. Eventually I grabbed her and strapped her into the car. I explained to her why it was dangerous and why it was so important to be safe. She screamed all the way home, and then all the way until we were inside, and then she got louder.
The neighbours slammed their windows shut to block out the noise. ‘Surely I’m the only mum that goes through this?’ I thought to myself. ‘I must be the only one.’
I decided that the only way to save my sanity and my neighour’s ears was to go to the beach and play, but even that idea had it’s issues. Someone didn’t want to go to the toilet. Or wear her jacket. Or put on her shoes.
I escaped to just outside our front door, to get a moment’s peace, before going back in to fight the ‘getting ready to go out’ battle. Of course, as I stood outside the front door, the young guy from Brazil who lives in the apartment across the way from us decided to go for a run. He smirked as he saw me standing there and gave me a knowing nod. A nod that said, ‘I understand’. I’m sure he didn’t. He’s young, and childless and free to go for runs anytime of the day without prior arrangement of childcare.
Eventually we left the house, in two pieces, me and her. Along with the bright pink scooter. And everything was OK with the world. She walked, holding my hand. I spoke to her about the way she had behaved earlier in the day and why it was important to be safe and sensible. She looked at me sweetly and said, “Yes, mum.” I wondered if I’d imagined all the happenings before this. Surely, the sweet little girl beside me couldn’t do those things. Surely.
As we walked down the local shortcut to the beach, a little girl wailed ahead of us. “She’s crying loud,” Lacey remarked.
Her mum scooped her up and said, “Why do you always do this? We live just there and you make it so hard to go to the beach!”
Selfishly I sighed, ‘I’m not alone! Hurrah!’
We played for a couple of hours, with our feet in the sand and our heads in the clouds. “Run!” I told her, and she did. It soon turned to night and I prepared myself for another battle, going home. There wasn’t one though. I think she was all battled out. As we walked along the promenade a little boy threw himself on the ground and thrashed about, “I don’t want to go home!”
His dad started to explain that is was dark and that they had to go home to get warm. The little boy dropped the F-bomb loudly as he kicked his little arms and legs. “What did you say…?” his dad asked as we walked past and back home.
All I could think was, ‘Hurrah! I’m not alone.’
We went home, made pizza and later curled up in bed and watched movies. Knackered from the tantrums and the running on the beach {hurrah!} she crashed out early. And thankfully Mother’s Day was tantrum-free and all blissed up. I think she got it all out before the special day. Thankfully.
Do you have days like these? Days when it’s comforting to know you’re not the only one?
OH BOY! do we EVER have days like these…my son likes to slap and push his baby brother when he is in this mood…
and wow! it is not only me? Sometimes I think I am raising a terrible brat…and I wonder where I went wrong…I also consider going back to work, since he is much better behaved for every other human being on the planet (other than my husband)
When I read blogs of pregnant women who talk about lofty parenting aspirations I think OH MAN DO YOU EVER HAVE IT COMING TO YOU! They have no idea how good it can be, and how quickly it can unravel when your beautiful sweet precious wonderful child is hungry, thirsty, tired, bored, or just in a funk!
Love this! Selfishly I, too, am thinking 'Hurrah! I'm not alone.'
Oh yes….we have days like this where I feel the exact same way! My 2 and 3 year old kids will feed off each other and keep escalating and fighting and yelling and I feel like all I ever do is yell! And then they fall asleep or I catch them helping each other with Lego's and it's all wonderful again. But holy moly are those other moments terrible! I especially hate when it happens in public – my kids get so loud!! Anyway, take it from me, you are not alone!! And it does help me to know the same, and to hear stories like yours. It really does. Thank you for sharing all that you share, I appreciate it tremendously!!
Days like these?! I feel like I have months like these. And yes, it helps to know I'm not alone.
Yes, months! Sometimes, there are no warning signs just BAM! I'm totally whipped when my Fiance comes home that I need a rest. I know it's not my toddler's fault, he's trying to communicate/wean but he also knows how to push each person's buttons. Our eldest was a lovely baby boy and we rarely had issues. Did we luck out having it so good the first time? Oh well, at the end of day when he's asleep, it's as if he's a new angel again.
I did have days like that, with all 4 of them, but now, 15 years later, we can laugh about it – together- and that's really a good feeling !
I don't have children but having grown up in a big family with many young cousins I am terrifyingly familiar with days like these. I can only hope I have the patience to keep my shiz together when it's my turn as a parent.
Thanks for sharing. You are definitely not alone!
Oh yes and it does make me feel loads better when I'm not the only one whisper shouting at my child in the supermarket.
Oh the wonderful times I've got ahead. My 1 year old has days where he doesn't stop grizzling, following me around, and screaming when things don't go his way. He doesn't have the ability to back chat and argue with me yet, nor the skill to run away. But it sure does start at a young age.
Oh You are not alone. I can so relate.
More often than I generally like to admit. I even got a knowing smile and an 'I'm glad the classics still work' from a stranger at the supermarket the other day, after I told Ashleigh I was going to leave without her and she fell into line behind me (albeit still screaming).
Oh I went through that when i was nannying! Being a live in nanny felt a lot like what i imagine being a parent is like – because its not like babysitting where you get to give them back at the end of the day haha.
Everyone has those days. Gosh, I have those days where I want to act like the child and kick and scream about everything, thankfully ive matured! (well matured enough to leave out the kicking bit haha)
🙂
xx
I totally know how you feel! And although I know in theory it is not just me (or us) … I do like to be reminded of it sometimes. MIss 2.75 is quite adamant about getting her own way.
I love your pictures at the beach. My Miss and I love spending time digging in the sand, testing the water, enjoying the sunshine, and even more when it is with family. (We do not live anywhere near the beach though.)
Been there, I know exactly how it is. And seemingly, these days occur around the same time that there are troubles with the car and no one had enough sleep the night before (often the reason why) and everyone's cranky and grumpy and things need to be done and energy levels are low. Take heart in knowing you're not alone. Somehow, they make good on their tantrums by hugging you spontaneously or telling you they love you when they're just falling off to sleep. Parenting is a wonderful thing. Challenging, yet more rewarding than you would ever believe. X
Chantelle, with a two year old son, days like this are VERY frequent! Thanks for sharing, I don't feel as though I'm the only one as much now =)
Oh yes!! I have an almost 4yo and soon to be 3yo, so if its not one, its the other. Even mother's day wasn't without tantrums. There are the good days that make up for it all, but you're definitely not alone.
“He's young, and childless and free to go for runs anytime of the day without prior arrangement of childcare.”
Wow. Just wow.. someone could really drop the C-bomb.
Oh yeah you are NOT alone. These days I am trying to get the hang of two children and sometimes the tantrums are HUGE – and they are mine. Trying to get out the door in the morning for preschool – apparently is beyond me and I thought I was a capable, grown woman.
It's exactly the same with our nearly 3 year old, she can make the switch from amazing, perfect, super-kiddo to total demon in seconds flat!
Her 6 month old brother thinks her tantrums are hilarious an laughs at her which just spurs her on further.
If I see other children acting like her I am so glad that it's not us.
Oh I know these days well, my eldest is very spirited and she is either up or down…not much in between. Whereas my youngest seems to be a lot more relaxed so kindy days are somewhat relaxing and chilled with just one at home. Qualities I am sure will make good for later in life. Hope all is well on the health front.x
ooooh yeah. Funny how you said it starts before breakfast, through breakfast, after breakfast…. I know straight away I'm in for a hard day when the tantrums start before breakfast. I had noticed at 1.5, 2.5, 3.5 and now 4.5years old my son would go through a period when he just fell to pieces, felt like we were taking two steps backwards. Then I came across a wonderful article about the stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium and that these cycles take turns every 6 months (hence the disequilibrium at all the half years) it made so much sense and explained the huge up heavel in my son. We are currently going through it now and it's a struggle but I know there is a light at the end!
Your little one and my little one would get along perfectly. 😉 Both my kids know the power of relentless oppositional behaviour. I almost had a heart attack when my strong-willed-know-it-all decided she knew what she was doing and ran out into the middle of the daycare carpark. Lucky for her (and me) the three cars driving at her from three different directions were attuned to the risk of little people running on the road in this particular location. I yelled and ran, they stopped, my little one got a shock (and thankfully learned a lesson). And yet, as you say, there are so many days when they are the cutest, sweetest little munchkins in the whole wide world. 🙂 I wouldn't swap mine for anything.
All I will say is this: “Do not have any more!!!” I have 3 aged 4,7,9 and it is really just getting harder… No-one tells you about the hard stuff though – you only live once, and in order to keep some sanity, think very carefully about the future. I do say this a little sarcastically as I love my cherubs to bits, and would move the world for them, but it is very, very busy. take a breath and enjoy your angel as many times a day as you can xxxxx
Normal day………there will be more……..you both will survive………..and you will always love each other….and when she is 20's you will go to lunch together and see you are still best friends…….sharing laughs,giggles,and dessert!
enjoy every minute…….:)
~~Rain
I've walked I your shoes. I admired other women who handle this with ease. And been shocked by some moms response. I try not to judge because I wouldn't want someone to judge me. It really truly helps knowing we are not alone. Not at that moment but after the dust has settled.
We have days like that, more now that the baby is here.
I find is so hard to control when I am alone as my patients runs out fast. But its nice that WE ARE NOT ALONE.
I can imagine how busy you are. I'm right there with you. x
My Sophie is only 5 months so I am sure I have all of this to look forward to but … that boy dropping the F-bomb. Hilarious especially considering your angel had returned. 🙂
It was hilarious! Especially since Lacey thought he said FROG!
yes this is the same for us. Some days are amazing and some are a battle from morning to night. Those are the days when I look forward to naps, and bed times. Then I feel guilty for wishing for naps and bed times. I get looks too, from other parents as well, and sometimes I want to ask them if their children were perfect from birth. You're not alone…I'm right there with you.
Perhaps they're thinking, 'Hurrah, I'm not alone!'
I hope so. Surely there are no perfect children in the world?
Oh Yes! I used to be the judgmental person in the store while someone's child threw a fit. Now, I am on the other side of the fence, and when I see another poor Mom dealing with a fit, I smile and tell her that she is doing a great job. =]
Wouldn't it be lovely to hear those words? You're very sweet. x
Oh sister…you are not alone! The tantrums, battle of wills, power struggles are rites of passage for the young ones…just our job to shepard them through it with some tools and keep 'em safe. Sounds like you're doing a good job, hang in there mama.
~Deirdre
You said it beautifully. Thank you. x
I have more days like this than I care to talk about. My boy challenges me endlessly and he is not even 18 months yet! I pray that as he gets older it will get easier, but I'm not so sure. Thanks for sharing. Nice to know we are not alone!!
We are definitely not alone it seems!
Days like these….. oh, yes! My child has been described as 'spirited' – I know this will hold her in good stead in the future, but for now…oh boy!!! Give me strength!
Spirited! Yes, I get that too. I think about the future and think that she'll get what she wants with her determined nature. She will. So there's that. 🙂
Oh Chantelle, Your post couldn't have come at a better time!
The past few days have been terrible… tantrums, disobedience beyond belief, bad attitude, grumpiness…the list goes on. I don't know if it is just a stage or if moving house has affected things more than I expected.
I really have felt like I am the only one who goes through this, and (sorry everyone) am very glad to be reminded that I'm not.
The horrible behaviour has made me feel like a really bad parent, a total pushover. I ask Keeli to do a simple task like pick her sandwich up off the floor…. “NO!” is the response I get. “It's too hard” is another response. I would never have even contemplated answering my parents with a “No” if they asked me to do something!
I thought I might just explode at one point… the bad language running through my head was very close to spewing out my mouth, right in the face of a 3 year old. Not good.
I have tried so many different ways to combat the bad attitude and disobedience. I have no patience left. None have worked. I am desperate for guidance in this area, so if anyone out there hass tips or books they can recommend, I'm all ears!
Jay 🙂
We're going through exactly the same thing. Why are our girls so alike? Lacey does the hand on the hip, attitude thing. I wouldn't have dreamed to talk to my parents like that, ever!
I'm at a loss. When she's good she's very, very good … but when she's bad… oh dear!
Ah yes. It does sound very familiar. I'm very much at a loss too :/ Jay
My eldest is 12 & while we don't have the tantrums we have back chat & attitude & an ability to annoy the little brother just for fun & never having anything nice to say about anything. It's tiring, frustrating & all adds up to making me feel like the worst parent alive. I thought by now I'd have this parenting business sorted but I don't, I'm so far from that it's a joke!!!
I have days where I struggle to even like my boy. Days where I think ” who are you? Surely I didn't bring you up like this?!”. Days where I want to walk out & never return. But then he'll be sweet, he'll remember his manners, he'll do something as soon as I ask him no hesitation & he'll walk up & hug me for no reason & everything is forgiven. It's those moments I live for & make all the bad moments fade into the back ground…
Oh totally not alone – hurrah! Miss 3.5 is very challenging. Today (Tuesday) is her one day a week of Childcare. It's for both our sanity. She gets to play with different kids and I get the day with just Master 1. Ahh blissful quiet days! There is even a nap time for Master 1. I have me-time. Miss 3 no longer naps, but most days she totally needs one, so by the end of the day (when I am getting ready to drop their kids off at Daddy's work so I can go to work) its normally a disaster zone. Everything is a battle. I have to ask her to do everything at least half a dozen times. There is screaming (regrettably some of it can be mine – I'm working on that). And it's all 100x worse once a month for me. I am barely able to cope then!
But the last couple of days she has been wonderful. Kind to her brother, sharing, cuddly, sweet and funny. Those days make it all worthwhile xxx
The thing is that you were alone. Why were you alone? Why are mothers alone? When a child was running in a car park why did the whole world not stop and drop everything and help to raise your precious child. Why was it not deep inside everyone there that the safety of children is everyone's responsibility. In a year, two years, hopefully next week Lacey won't think it's funny to dodge cars – but in that moment she did. The village has forgotten that it's not you the mother who put it in her head to think it funny – that's just what kids – anyone's kids – do. Instead of providing you with a quick get away they tsk tsk – and that's when I feel the most alone – and sad – because I love my boys even more sharing them with strangers. But somehow our culture has decided it's ok to share the cuteness but not to share the burden of noisy, disruptive and in your case dangerous behavior – I'm trying not to imply that anyone there would purposely hurt a child but that they don't have that deep in the gut sense of protection I imagine was there when the village raised its children and I think that's why mothers feel alone. Maybe someone did help – but you can never trust that people will – the world is busy.
How lovely that you were able to recover and enjoy a day at the beach! I am sure that the sight of you both put joy in the hearts of strangers – childish fun is a luxury that is infectious.
From Tamara (I don't have any ID and the end of the comment dropped off my screen so I couldn't include my name)
I'm a mum of ten, there are lots of days like this… 🙂 You're not alone! x
“He smirked as he saw me standing there and gave me a knowing nod. A nod that said, 'I understand'. I'm sure he didn't. He's young, and childless and free to go for runs anytime of the day without prior arrangement of childcare.”
Why do you presume that? Childless, young people can still have an understanding of what you're going through even if they aren't in the exact same circumstances as you. I really dislike how people with children do that – write those who don't have children off as having no idea of what it's like to deal with a screaming, unsettled child. You don't have to have children to understand how hard it can be to be a parent and sympathise with you, give you a gentle smile, a nod of kindness.
I'm not presuming that all childless people don't understand. I didn't say that. I wouldn't say that. I once was childless and still compassionate to friends and family having a hard time.
I presumed that HE didn't understand. I saw the look in his eye, I know him as my neighbour. Perhaps I presumed wrong. I wrote it a little tongue in cheek … but perhaps that was lost.
Thanks for your comment.