But You’re Fat.


You know this isn’t a fluke, don’t you

? My neighbour says to me from across the fence, It’s actually talent.


She’s one of my life cheerleaders, always supporting me and offering words of wisdom from the sidelines.
I want to whole-heartedly believe her. Good things have been happening in my life of late. There is a little voice inside me though, that whispers: But you’re fat.

I could find my soul mate {check}, live in the most beautiful country {check}, have a beautiful, healthy daughter {check}, be offered amazing opportunities {check}, have a wonderful family {check} and beautiful friends {check}…. heck I could even win the lotto, get the Nobel Peace prize, meet Oprah, watch Gaga perform, write a best selling book… and still have my life be tainted by the fact that all is not okay because I’m still…. fat.

There will always be that part of me that won’t switch off. That little voice within that lingers and reminds me that although everything else is wonderfully perfect… it isn’t quite right because my body isn’t what I want it to be. Thin. Or at least thinner.

I’m happy, don’t get me wrong. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I love my life, and everything it entails, but there’s just that little niggle inside that likes to remind me that everything isn’t 100% peachy. Because I’m fat.


I walk into the room, and it feels like home. Well, not home, but close enough to it. Have you been here before? the lady behind the table asks. I nod. I’ve been here before, in more ways than one.
I don’t feel worried, or anxious. I know how this works and I’m filled with hope. I know that it works for me, it has in the past and I hope it can again. I step on the scales and I’m again part of the Weight Watchers journey.
You have a beautiful figure, a woman from behind me says, I don’t know what you’re doing here. You don’t need to lose weight.

I know that she’s not talking to me. But I smile. A smile of hope. Perhaps one day, somewhere, someone will mutter the same words to me.


41 thoughts on “But You’re Fat.”

  1. I so get this Chantelle. It's exactly how I feel. I have the family, the house, the lifestyle – but I don't quite fit. I too am trying once again to shift this “baby weight”. My baby starts school next year – excuses are over. I'll be cheering for you, hope you cheer me on too.

  2. You are amazing and beautiful and live a charmed life (from what I can tell). So many women feel the same way. My life is so good right now, and getting better…but gah, if I could lose the weight!! That voice is always there for me, too. I want to silence it, or at least train it to say “Hey sexy! You look AWESOME today!”

    <3

  3. Chantelle, all I can say is: me too. You know my blog – it shows my journey. And I STILL feel like you do. I suspect I probably always shall, until I sort out my head…..xx

  4. I couldn't have put my feelings better than this – you have that knack!

    And also, you really don't need to be there, you are so, so stunning – all the time.

    But, if that's what makes you feel 110% peachy, then go for it!

    xx

    Aly

  5. Why focus on the negative or the bad when you have SO much good in your life?

    For the record you're not actually fat. Want to stand next to me? Then you'll see fat. I WISH I was your size. You are what is considered “normal” or “average”.

    The last 11 years of my life have been my worst as we battle to have a viable pregnancy, I lost my Dad and I've had many ups and downs. At 31 I'm fatter than I've ever been (mainly because I'm unhappy – so I eat) and I still don't know what I want to do with my life because what I WANTED to do – be a mother, isn't going to happen.

    But.

    At 31, something clicked and made me WANT to be happy now. To be happy with my life, my body, my future. I came to conclusion that my body will never be perfect and honestly I don't want it to be, it will always be bigger than your “size 10” but to make up for it, it will always have curves, it will be womanly.

    Love your body for what it is telle. Yeah sure tweak it here and there but YOUR body, the body you have, THAT body gave you a child, so it's already doing better than mine.

    So I will be that someone, one day, somewhere right now muttering those words to you…..“You have a beautiful figure, I don't know what you're doing here, you don't need to lose weight”

    If you want to though, that's a whole other story.

    x

  6. Oh Chantelle, I sympathise! I'm now on WW for the 1oooth time, hoping to one day feel at home with myself. All the wonderful comments in the world can't fix that niggle inside each of us, unfortunately. I'm with you on the journey. Good luck, stay positive, and happy eating! xxx

  8. Oh I hear you, love.
    I have had these exact feelings my entire life (well from 16 onwards).
    I don't think men get it (even the fat ones) and I know women who don't have a weight problem certainly don't get it.
    I honestly think that even if I did somehow miraculously have a slim body, I would still have that little voice in my head. It's so ingrained in my everyday thoughts that I don't think I'd ever get rid of it.
    I really don't think it matters what other people think anyway. My boyfriend tells me Im beautiful and doesnt think Im fat but even with him telling me that, I still know and think I am.

    I would love just one day in my life where I could walk out of the house in shorts and feel confident and happy about the way I look.
    Just one day.

  9. Chantelle, I know that room in BJ. I've been there too. I want to feel good in myself too. I have no words to help, but I just wanted to send my love.

  10. oh and btw, good luck with WW.
    the slimmest Ive ever been in my life is when I did it and I didnt even attend, just did the points.
    They don't sell WW food here in Vancouver!

  12. Good luck with it! I'm on WW too, so I know what you're going through (minus the baby fat thing- mine is just regular fat!!).

  13. Beeeautiful post. I think part of the reason that I DENY being fat (even though I am clearly there and more) is that I don't want to judge myself on such a superficial level. I can't stand that I might deny myself happiness just because I love eating and make the wrong choices sometimes. That just doesn't make sense. But I need to face up to it, and I'm trying.

    Cheering you all the way. Maybe cheering next to you soon. I'll drop a 'points' hint in a comment if I get there…

  14. It is never a bad thing to want to be the best you can be – no matter how you define best. But, having never met you and having no clear idea of what you look like, I can tell you that you are a gorgeous girl. In the best possible way. Good luck with your goal.

  15. such a great blog post! I actually count myself out of things cos I am fat. I don't think I can be successful and fat at the same time!!! It's just crazy how wrong that is yet…I still do it!

  17. Honestly, sometimes it's like you live in my brain. Such a perfect post. After reading all the comments, it seems like a lot of us have that same little voice. Good luck on your journey.
    xx

  20. You know what, I can relate and currently relating – I do well then bomb out and do nothing – and like you I have the same voice…. and you know what – it is years of media telling us what beautiful is that puts this damn voice in our heads – we are a society obsessed with being a certain size and imagining that there is a missing piece of happiness that will be delivered when we reach there – but you know what – its not there. Happiness is not found in Thin – Buddha found his and it wasn't in thin – happiness is within us – we just need to learn to know that we are perfect RIGHT NOW – if we want to lose some weight sure – lose some weight but we need to stop telling ourselves we are only going to be perfectly happy when that happens – not true – hope you can let yourself off the hook a bit as you are right now and I am going to try and do the same – as I do try and lose some weight but love myself while I'm doing it and not expecting to find happiness in a certain size. xx

  21. Beautiful heartfelt post.

    I know plenty of fat people and I love them all. I even know some people that are way too skinny and they are ok too :).

    I hope you get closer to the weight you want to be only because I can see it is so important to you. I know plenty of overweight people that lost weight and were thrilled with it, some after many many tries. And others that care about their weight as much as I care about their weight (ie not at all :)).

    But, if it's one less thing to take away from all that gorgeous stuff you have going on, then knock em dead. I have no doubt you will do it 🙂

    You ARE truly amazing after all.

    xxx

  22. Wow. I had been thinking about this very thing myself for the last few weeks. You have inspired me. I've now signed up too. Good luck to you – exciting times ahead. Pip x

  23. Oh i so hear you on that one. I'm still carrying a few excess kilo's after having my son. I joined weight watchers online recently – so hopefully we can all inspire & motivate each other.

    good luck with your journey xx

  24. I fully understand this, I feel the same way. It doesnt matter how many people tell you otherwise, or how successful you are, it really is always tainted by that little voice.

    Good luck Chantelle 🙂

  26. I'm enjoying the 12wbt, its working but I am not being very diligent in sticking with it 100%!!!

    but i am going to the gym nearly everyday, which is a big difference. that's where I notice the big improvement in my overall well being.

  27. I'm enjoying the 12wbt, its working but I am not being very diligent in sticking with it 100%!!!

    but i am going to the gym nearly everyday, which is a big difference. that's where I notice the big improvement in my overall well being.

  28. You speak such true words. I think are all a little the same on some level! Good luck with WW – I'm a lifetime member myself, returning after each baby to get myself back on track and its worked everytime.

  29. I know exactly how you feel.

    But please, don't do the WW! Dieting only means losing weight for a short while and then putting it (and more!) on again as soon as you stop.
    You say it has worked for you in the past. But obviously it hasn't really or you wouldn't be back there. If you weigh more now than the last time you went into WW, that should be a big red warning sign. Dieting only makes it worse.

    There is not a single diet that works, otherwise we would all be on it and slim. No, I'm afraid the only way to lose weight is to exercise.
    Best of luck to you. 🙂

  30. I am similar. My life is really quite charmed.. but its my bad skin that has the power to ruin my day.

    It used to be my weight that troubled me the most (I'm a life time member of WW!!) but now the skin thing has taken over as my main obsession!! Im too busy worrying about whether people are noticing my skin to think about my weight. (Ironically Ive never been slimmer but too still too self conscius to enjoy it)

    From your photos you have posted you look healthy and beautiful, but hearing it from other people wont really help you, you gotta be able to tell yourself that
    xoxo

  31. Beautiful honest heartfelt words. You are the type of woman I always hope to meet and befriend (oh no, sound like a stalker!). What I am trying to say is that you truly seem beautiful on the inside (and out – I saw you on TV!). Best of luck in your weight loss – we'll be cheering you on. <3

  32. good luck with your goals….it is so brave to talk openly about any doubt you have about yourself. and you know you have the support of a whole heap of people in the blogosphere cheering you on!

  33. Oh telle, your reading my mind again arent you??!! My weight stops me from doing soooo many things, how we got 3 children I dont know I barely let my hubby touch me!!
    I know why I eat, but dont know how to stop it! How do you stop the voices in your head that have been there for so long………
    I wish you luck on your WW journey its a journey Im going to start next week myself!! xxxx

  34. when i was a 14 i starved myself to lose weight, even though i really didn't need to lose weight. i did this for years and got too skinny and a few years later, when i couldn't do it anymore, i began eating normal and blew up like a fish. from that point on, i was lost. because i messed up my metabolism so much from not eating enough, no matter what i did, it barely made a dent in my losing weight.

    and even though i loved so much about my life, i HATED being overweight. and even though people told me i should love myself no matter what… i disagree. i think sometimes we love ourselves too much and that is why we aren't realizing our dreams. we pat our own heads too much and tell ourselves it's ok, when it's not. when we should be fighting the good fight to reach our dreams, we're listening to too much soothing jargon that leads us astray. i always thought that just because i loved myself, aspects of my life, and my heart… didn't mean i had to love my weight!

    it's not to say we should be unhappy as a whole, but i think it's ok to be unhappy in part. meaning, “i love “this”, i love “this”, i'm not satisfied “here” or “here”

    reaching my goal was one of the biggest challenges of my life, the only thing that got me through was the right program and believing that reaching my goal was a heck of a lot harder than maintaining it would be… and 8 years later i can honestly say i was right.

    best wishes. xx

  35. Hi Chantelle,
    I had to write to you after reading this. I have struggled with my weight my whole life but it's only ever been less than 10 kilos. However it has controlled my life, especially since having kids. I love to shop but won't buy clothes, until I lose the weight, I want to go to a tropical Island but won't go until I lose the weight.I just wasn't living my life completely. However this has changed in the last few months and I had had enough, I am now 7 kilos down, 2 to go. Obviously the old bod is not the same since kids so I am working out too. In a few weeks I am going on a killer shopping spree and we are off to Fiji in October. People say love yourself for who are are but I say if you can't then change it. Good luck on your weight loss journey, I am behind you all the way.

    Take care,

    Sheryn

  36. Hi and welcome to Team WW – I'm not on my first trip with them either! I totally get your thoughts about being/feeling fat tainting everything good! xxx

  37. Thank you so much for this post. I have the same thoughts. It's so hard to always be trapped by this, such a negative cycle. For what's it worth, I think you're beautiful.
    Mez xx

  38. Chantelle, I've JUST posted about the exact same thing! Sending positive vibes and all that good stuff your way on your new journey. Ash x

    ashleycomrie.blogspot.com

  40. your blog speaks volumes for the type of person you are. & i am just so thankful to have come across your blog. i hope your journey (with the weight loss) has been a successful one for you. i really look forward to reading more into your blog.

Comments are closed.

Photo a day Privacy Policy Work with me

Copyright © 2023 Fat Mum Slim