I never wanted to be content. It sounded smug, and almost never enough. I wanted to be happy, the happiest I could be.
In my 20’s I searched for the happy. The stuff that made my soul sing. The good things in life. I wrote lists of things that made me happy, and I embraced them. I ran on the beach. I danced to my favourite songs. I took hundreds of polaroids. I baked cupcakes. I fell in love. I explored. I flew kites. I took road trips. I felt happy.
As I neared my thirties and became a mum, I realised that content was actually a nice place to be. It was being sleep deprived, but seeing her little smile having it all balance out. It was having a bad day, and following it up with a better one. It was seeing the good in life, but knowing {and understanding} that there were not-so-good things too, but it would all be OK.
As I watched Oprah this past Saturday night {I know, living the wild life} I heard something that Roseanne Barr said that struck a chord. I can’t remember it word-for-word but she said that she only seeks to be content, because if you’re happy you have to come down at some point. You can’t stay up there forever.
The seeking of happiness seems to be calling out to me of late. As I waited for hours in Miami airport to come home a month or so ago, I stocked up on magazines at a little store. It was filled with people, all going somewhere and as I finally reached the counter, ready to be served, I noticed a book on the shelf. It called me name. So I took the chance and hopped out of the line to grab it, and lost my place. I added The Happiness Project to my pile and read it at great speed on the flight home, scribbling in the margins as I read along. It joined the list of books I’ve read and loved.
I don’t need anyone or anything to tell me how happy I am. I can tell for myself. There are parts of my life I’d like to change, and am working on changing, and there are some parts that I adore and want to keep as is. But I can’t resist a little quiz. Last night I took the happiness test and it told me what I pretty much expected: I need to work on my body and work/life balance, but my home life, friendships and relationship are in good order.
I’m 30 now, and I still seek happiness, but I don’t avoid contentment. I think Roseanne is right, that to be happy, you do have to come down at some point, whenever that may be. But I think the happy is worth it, however fleeting and even if we’re just falling back into contentment… could we really ask for anything more?
What about you, are you happy? Are you content? What do you seek in life?
I'm happy. I've been happy for a long, long time. I was very unhappy once upon a time, so I know happy when I see it. I'm happy with me, which is the only way to truly get there. I'm happy with my lot, because that's the key, isn't it? Even then, I'm happy that there is tons of stuff I want to do differently, because being happy means embracing change. I'm even happy that I'm sad some times, because that just means I'm human and I care and I'm flawed and I'm complex and I've got good times to look forward to.
Yes, I'm happy. I'm content.
Great post, Telle. x
Hmm very interesting post. It certainly makes you think about things doesn't it.
I'm actually not sure how 'happy' I am. There are definitely things in my lilfe that make me tremendously happy but in general I don't think I'm that happy at all. Which is actually really hard to admit :(. Although this last year has been the toughest of my life so far. Having gone through a marriage separation, a major back injury, weight gain and all the stress that goes with that. I do know where I want to be at though which I guess is a step in the right direction. I know the changes I need to make and the things that will get me back to that happy place.
I wrote about this a little while ago myself. At the time, I was very unhappy. Actually I was clinically depressed. I wouldn't say that I'm still unhappy, but I have some work to do before I'd call myself happy, or even content. I think the trick is realising that there will always be things in your life that you'd like to change, but those things don't necessarily need to overshadow all the good and make you unhappy.
I was happy … until I did that happiness test! Everything said “good job, but we think there are things that could make you happier and healthier” in every aspect of my life! well pffffft to them!
If I get a couple of good laughs, a couple of good conversations, some hugs, some smiles (especially hugs and smiles from my little man), I'm pretty happy. It doesn't take much to make me happy.
That said, I think “content” is a great place to be. Some might say it's under achieving, but I think if you can maintain contentedness, you're doing pretty good.
i haven't been happy for a very long time, i'm working on changing that but it's going to take some time but i'm focusing on one day at a time.
i've read some good things about that book, so it's on my list to read.
~x~
In my 20s I would always blow out the birthday candles and wish to be content and happy. I'm turning 31 this week and now I wish to be happy and healthy. To me being contentt IS being happy 🙂
Great post! Really got me thinking. And I definitely want to read this book. I've previously heard wonderful things about it and lately it's name is popping up everywhere.
I'm very happy. I've got a beautiful little girl and am newlywed to the love of my life. But I'd say for me, true contentment will come with being comfortable with my body and that's a work in progress (and always an ongoing battle). I think when you're happy in your own skin, you are open to embracing all the other good in life. :). I also need to rid myself of toxic friendships which also get me down and make me feel bad about myself.
Once that's sorted, I think I'll be on my way to true contentment and I'll be able to fully tackle what life throws at me. Happy or not. 🙂
i am eagerly searching for contentment!
another great book is The Happiness Trap.. check it out!
x
Great post Chantelle! But what a question! Definitely happy with certain aspects of my life, others, not so sure. Same with being content… and I actually think contentment is the big one. I agree with Rosanne, I'd rather be content, than happy. Being sad, down, sulky, is a part of life and it's healthy to have a mix of happy and sad in your life.
I feel I have been working on contentment my whole life. I know this, because there has never been a time when I'm not seeking something more from my life… in many different ways. I guess that's not a bad thing either, as long as contentment is found in most things I do. I like to keep some things always on the simmer though, because as the saying goes contentment breeds complacency.
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Hmmm… lots to think about here. I tend to use the word serenity, that's what I am aiming for, simple serenity of mind… now where the bloody hell is it?
I wish I had been thinking thoughts like yours when I was 30, Chantelle. Have been a very late developer.
I'm reading the Happiness Trap too and definitely don't expect to feel happy every day…. or content! Try to feel freedom and joy in the moment – when I remember. I do love the book Buddhism for Mothers.
I've been searching for what will make me happy for awhile now! I'm still on the search. Even though there isn't really any one thing that will make me happy. I guess I'm just waiting to really feel it?
To be at a point where I could find a lot of it around me. I guess that's what I really mean.
But what you said really is great. To be content. That's a good thing to be searching for too.
For me it's all about comfortablility (yes I made that word up – but I love it and I use it a lot!).
I finally found happiness in my life when I met S. Yes there had been flashes of happiness before S, like when my children were born, and when I was able to just spend time with them, but after 15 years in a very controlled and abusive relationship, I don't think I really knew what happiness was.
I am truly happy now – I am happy that I have survived my turbulent past, and happy that I have brought my children through it with me and kept them whole and hearty and well adjusted in spite of everything.
I have come to learn what true love is in my relationship with S, and also what it is to be truly happy with a partner. Thats where the comfortablility comes in – I am now comfortable in my own skin, comfortable enough in my life to be able to relax and truly be myself, and I am comfortable in the knowlege that I have a partner who loves me for me and who will lay down his life to protect me and the children.
Life is really really good – and I am happy!
It's funny what our perception of happy is. I thought I was happy for a long time, then went through a tragedy that put a lot of things in perspective. I've done a lot of soul searching and thinking since then, and despite my enormous loss, I am now starting to feel happy.
I can't remember who said it, but you can't be happy all the time, and it's the sad or hard times that make you realise when you actually are happy.
I think I'll be content with contentment with an occasional happy on the side.
Thank you for posting this! Since the birth of my daughter six months ago i've felt like we're in a holding pattern. First it was “I'll be happy when I learn to breastfeed without pain”. Then “i'll be happy when I get more than three hours sleep” then “i'll be happy when I get this house tidy” and today “i'll be happy when my baby girl hasn't got a cold any more.”.
Funny thing is, i'm content. I've been telling myself this all along. THIS is life now, and I need to love it and own it as much as my “old” life.
Thank you!
http://www.austflaneur.blogspot.com
Love this post Chantelle! So great to meet you last night as well.
I have a post coming up soon about happiness and inner peace, I think we confuse the two of them. Happiness is an emotion just like anger and sadness. It comes and it goes and serves it's purpose. I don't think we have to seek happiness, I think inner peace is more of a state of being, which keeps us steady and calm even during those moments of passing sadness.
I was happy-joyful even more for many years while I was travelling. When I stopped I lost a lot of that joy and felt very unhappy for awhile. During that period I managed to find my inner peace. So now even though I have unhappy moments I am generally peaceful.
I agree that being content or comfortable is something we should never strive for. Complacency keeps us on the couch and stops us from growing and moving forward.
I am happy… I dance to the beat of my own heart now. And I dance holding each of my little people's hand. No better place to be!
happy rocks, and I wish it for everyone! x
Love this post Chantelle. Thanks for posting.
Am I happy? Why is that hard to answer definitively?! It's quite a black and white question and life has so many shades of grey, but having been through some dark days, I can now say that there is more sunshine in my life than clouds or rain. I now look for the little things in life that make my heart sing! I feel that I am where I should be… a nice place to be.
I loved this post.
I dont think I'm truely happy yet, content but not truely happy.
I wish i knew what i seek in life. Guess I will know when I'm there