Angry birds

birds on wires over blue sky with clouds background toned with a

In 99% of families, the parent would step in and protect their child in any circumstance.

Nod your head if you agree.

And families with dogs, those dogs would step in and protect their owner too, right? You’ve heard the stories about dogs doing miraculous things to help keep their owners alive over the years, haven’t you?

We are NOT that family.

Yesterday I went for a walk with the girls. Hubby was mowing the lawn, so I packed Lulu up in the pram, put Bronte on the lead and dragged Lacey along with me. It was hot, because Northern New South Wales didn’t get the memo that SUMMER IS OVER, but I wanted to walk so we did.

We got to the top of the hill, and I heard them before I saw them. PLOVERS.

For those not yet familiar with the plover species, let me tell you. They’re a bird that don’t nest up high. They nest on the ground. They are SUPER territorial, and they swoop. And because they’re coming from the ground, and not a high branch, they just come straight for you. AND they have hooks on their wings so they can really do some damage.

They’re is nothing to like about these birds. Not one thing. Sorry bird-lovers.

They also make a noise that you can’t miss. So we turned the corner, and I heard them, and then I saw them… COMING STRAIGHT FOR MY HEAD.

You think I’d save the children. You think I’d be that mum. But I’m not. I don’t even know what Lacey was doing, but I ducked behind the pram and prayed that Bronte would save us.

For the record, she didn’t. She just watched on.

I think I might have screamed. It flew over my head angrily, and then swooped back, so I crouched down into the smallest ball I could behind the pram and prayed for safety. And then, once it had passed back again, I screamed for everyone to run. So we did.

Hubby looked up from the bottom of the hill, and just saw a crazy lady, with a pram, a dog and a child running as best a chubby lady can.

He laughed, because that’s the sort of caring guy he is. And then he kept on mowing.

Afterwards we all lay on the grass, and I begged Hubby to take the walk of terror with me, just to see if they’d go him too. A neighbour passed by and I asked if they attack her, and she said the key is to wear a hat and wave your arms around. I know that if I waved my arms they would have touched my arms, and I CAN NOT BE TOUCHING BIRDS.

So after much convincing we walked up that hill together {not my neighbour, just Hubby the kids, the dog and I}. I put on Hubby’s super sweaty hat for protection. I considered waving my arms, but didn’t. As soon as we got to the top of the hill, they came. So we ran… all the way back home.

And then we packed everyone into the car and went for a walk on the beach instead. Me and birds, we’ll never be friends. Ever.

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40 thoughts on “Angry birds”

  1. I’m so with you on this one. I think we’ve considered the idea of having an Anti-Bird society meeting… with chips, on the lounge room floor and not where any birds could swoop us to gobble them up. xx

  2. Oh I totally agree, I hate any sort of birds but plovers and magpies are the worst. My mum has recently moved into a nursing home and when we visited her yesterday, there were 2 plovers setting up residence in the car park. SO we drove to the opposite end of the car park and avoided them. My son was with me otherwise I probably would have just come home then! Now I know, if we when we go from now on and if the only parks are near where the plovers are, we will come back home and not visit mum.

  3. Oh, I hear you! A pigeon flew in my house recently and I ran outside screaming, then my 6 and 9 year olds went and coaxed it out while I sat safely on the trampoline (of course the hubby wasn’t home when I needed him). Am I proud? No. Would I do it again? Hell yes!

    • Ba ha ha. I’d do the same again too. Once a magpie flew inside our house and I ran and left the house. Thankfully Lacey was at preschool… but I had no idea what to do. So I waited for Hubby to come home, after running to the post office and ringing him from there.

  4. Oh my gosh! I just shared a similar story on my IG a couple of days ago. I was at my mums house and my eldest had taken off where we couldn’t see him and he started screaming. I rounded the corner and was confronted by a snake coming at me!! And you know what I did? I screamed and ran away and left my child there! With a snake! When I turned back around it took off for Bronson and was on his feet when my mum ran in and reefed him away. I was just paralysed! I have mum guilt also. But like many of my friends have pointed out, you’re one of two people: flight or fight. And we fall in the same category lol. x

  5. I am a bird hater ! Yes I said it out loud . Those beaks terrify me so I can totally relate .
    My kids like to sneak hot chips all around me at the beach so the seagulls come way to close just to see me scream !

  6. Those birds do not let up and they mean business. Magpies at least give you a warning swoop or two… plovers go for the kill shot from the first swoop!!! Hate them and their stupid screeching call at 3am outside my window…. I am not a fan of the plover… can you tell?!

      • Yes, sadly 3am most mornings they sit outside our window and screech. I went out one night clapping my hands and waving my arms like a mad, sleep deprived woman possessed….. they started running at me with their wings outstretched flashing the spurs on their wings…. I quickly retreated inside and stared them down from the security of behind the glass doors, I haven’t chased them since… yeah, I’m tough 😉

        Their chicks are cute though… like little pom poms running around on skewers for legs 😛 and they don’t seem to have the anger issues of their parents 😛

  7. Ornithophobia! I have it too – wet birds touching me is my biggest fear in life. I don’t think we have plovers in Perth, but I remember them from when we visited family in Tassie.

    • I’m cool with spiders {she says until one comes near her!}, but birds… no. I’ll hold your hand through the spider stuff, if you’ll hold mine through the bird stuff. 😛

  8. I have tears running down my legs! Only because that was me getting the wood yesterday. Two of those stinkers have a nest in our paddock BETWEEN THE HOUSE AND WOOD HEAP. I desserted the wheelbarrow, screamed and waved the axe around as I hightailed it back to the house. My saving grace was we live in the middle of nowhere. Kids don’t count as witnesses, do they?

  9. Oh hellll no. I was swooped as a kid (actually- I was in the pram, and my Mum probably hid behind it as well. Childhood Trauma 101), and I’ve despised birds ever since. Plovers nesting in my neighbourhood would be enough for me to want to sell up and run far, far away. Shudder.

  10. Here here sister!! I don’t touch birds either!!

    When my #2 was a baby I was working in our loft and a magpie flew in through the deck doors. It flapped around madly then started wildly throwing itself at the ceiling. I hid under my desk….! at some point it registered i should grab the baby playing on the floor next to me. But left the 3 yr old to her own devices down in her room cause there was no way i was coming out of hiding for any love or money. She slept through the whole shebang. Phew!

  11. Hilarious! I’ve had a gold magpie swooping moment on a bike and it landed right on my helmet hanging on for a bit of a ride. Freaked. Me. Out. Hubby laughed all the way home and the story is occasionally brought up and now the boys find it hilarious too. I’ve also had a plover moment but I have to say I’m too taken by the cuteness of their babies and the amazing job their parents do to protect them to fear their swoop. I just steer clear. Good luck on the next walk, you can do it. Ps. Cable ties on bike helmets can help. Look completely ridiculous but do the trick.

  12. I’ve never heard of that bird before, it’s enough to make me never visit Australia though! Birds are terrifying!

  13. Never heard of this bird before but I have been attacked by a bird last summer while out for a walk daughter in tow both of us munching on apples. This crow swoops down at my head to knock the apple out if my hand. Was terrified dropped apple and ran home. 🙂

  14. OMG! Chantelle! I laughed so loud and long at your story! I remember the terror of plovers as a child. I haven’t had to face them as an adult, but when I do I may just respond exactly as you did, lol!

  15. I had the same problem yesterday. I decided to go for a walk & had to take not one, but two detours because of plovers swooping. I can’t stand them & yes I may be a little bit scared of them too…I just hate the noise they make. Ugh. Its even worse when they nest on our front lawn & you can’t even walk down the driveway without being swooped. Yikes!

  16. Oh Chantelle, I HATE them too! They are the worst! I remember when Dave and I were still living at his parent’s place, a couple of them decided to nest right out the front of the house next to driveway. Which wasn’t too bad because we all mostly parked at the back of the house, but it meant that half the bloody property was off limits if you wanted to go for a walk because they would go on the attack, and our room was at the front of the house so all I’d hear all day long was their bloody annoying squawking! They are seriously the worst birds, even more annoying than those Ibis birds that try to steal your lunch in the city!

  17. Oh I hate dem Plovers! I hated them even before I knew they have HOOKS ON THEIR WINGS!! This is new information. I knew I was extra scared of them for a reason. I must pass this info onto my neighbour who thinks I am going overboard whenever those things are around.

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